If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
