You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
