guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
