"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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