Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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