My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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