Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
