Whod you bang
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
