I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
