I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
