The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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