I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
