just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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