Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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