The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
