I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
