You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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