My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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