Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
