I hope mine doesn't look like that
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
