my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
