her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
