We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
