you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
