You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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