those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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