My liver just broke up with me...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
