yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
