I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
