Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
