you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
