you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
