matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
