My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
