All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
