I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
