He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should frame my arrest warrant.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
