hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
