I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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