A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just had sex on a roof
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
