I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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