is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize