Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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