he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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