Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
