he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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