Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And then my night got REAL pukey
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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