Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
