Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
