I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this boner is exhausting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
