mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
