I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
