i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
