dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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