Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
