I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
