I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
