So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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