Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My vagina is officially offended.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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