I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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