Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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