I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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