first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
