On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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