She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
